Hi Jack!

  I was really glad to meet you. It was nice that you wrote a composition for me. You're good at introducing yourself. You just need to work on the following:

Your composition:

Nice to meet you. I'm jack. I truly appreciated to have this class. If you don't mind, Let me introduce myself. You know I wrote my name on the first part of this letter. The name "Jack" is quoted from a character's name of a famous movie which name is "Titanc" Leonardo decaprio acted Jack in the movie. My original name is Jae-yeob Lee. I thought that the pronounciation of Jae-yeob is simillar with jack's. So I decided my English name as Jack. I'm 38 years old. and I'm a sales man. There are Three of my family. My wife, doughter and I. My doughter borned about 50days ago. She is so lovely and qute that I want to hug her whenever I see her. Finally I like riding a bicycle. It can be more healthier if I ride a bicycle continously. I love it anyway. It's my pleasure to join this class. Please take care of me, going forward.

Revised:

Nice to meet you! I'm Jack. I truly appreciate having this class. If you don't mind, I want to introduce myself. You know I wrote my name on the first part of this letter. The name "Jack" is derived from a character's name of a famous movie "Titanc". Leonardo Decaprio acted as Jack in the movie. My original name is Jae-yeob Lee. I thought that the pronunciation of Jae-yeob is similar with Jack. So, I decided the name Jack as my English name. I'm 38 years old and a sales man. There are three members in my family; my wife, my daughter and I. My daughter was born about 50days ago. She is so lovely and cute that I want to hug her whenever I see her. Finally, I like riding a bicycle. I can be healthier if I ride a bicycle continuously. I love it anyway. It's my pleasure to join this class. Please take care of me. Keep moving forward!

I hope to talk to you again. Have a great day!